I’ve never been sure what purpose the Golden Satellite Awards serve. People are only dimly aware when they take place, nobody cares who wins — least of all the winners — and they manage to be irrelevant both as serious film awards and as Oscar bellwethers.

Nevertheless, they roll around every year, and they’ve just announced their nominations for 2008. It’s a typically eccentric list, with nominees in several categories seemingly drawn from a hat. Some people might read something into the fact that “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is missing from the top categories — though I commend them for the quirky inclusion of “Frozen River” in the Best Picture lineup — but these awards truly mean nothing. The list below makes for entertaining (and occasionally amusing) reading, but nothing more.

For a good indication of the Satellites’ level of credibility, check out their bizarre nominees in the Best Original Screenplay category, which include not one, but two adaptations. Most hilariously, one of them is Philip Roth, nominated as the sole writer of “Elegy.” I’m sure Roth is surprised for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that he didn’t write the screenplay. What the fuck?

Best Motion Picture, Drama

“The Reader”
“Slumdog Millionaire”
“Revolutionary Road”
“Frost/Nixon”
“Milk”
“Frozen River”

Best Director

Thomas McCarthy, “The Visitor”
Ron Howard, “Frost/Nixon”
Gus Van Sant, “Milk”
Christopher Nolan, “The Dark Knight”
Danny Boyle, “Slumdog Millionaire”
Stephen Daldry, “The Reader”

Best Actress In A Motion Picture, Drama

Melissa Leo, “Frozen River”
Angelina Jolie, “Changeling”
Anne Hathaway, “Rachel Getting Married”
Kristin Scott Thomas, “I’ve Loved You So Long”
Meryl Streep, “Doubt”
Kate Winslet, “The Reader”

Best Actor In A Motion Picture, Drama

Mickey Rourke, “The Wrestler”
Mark Ruffalo, “What Doesn’t Kill You”
Richard Jenkins, “The Visitor”
Frank Langella, “Frost/Nixon”
Leonardo DiCaprio, “Revolutionary Road”
Sean Penn, “Milk”

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical

“Happy-Go-Lucky”
“Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”
“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
“Tropic Thunder”
“In Bruges”
“Choke”

Best Actress In A Motion Picture, Comedy Or Musical

Sally Hawkins, “Happy-Go-Lucky”
Meryl Streep, “Mamma Mia!”
Lisa Kudrow, “Kabluey”
Kat Dennings, “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”
Catherine Deneuve, “A Christmas Tale”
Debra Messing, “Nothing Like the Holidays”

Best Actor In A Motion Picture, Comedy Or Musical

Ricky Gervais, “Ghost Town”
Sam Rockwell, “Choke”
Josh Brolin, “W.”
Michael Cera, “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”
Brendan Gleeson, “In Bruges”
Mark Ruffalo, “The Brothers Bloom”

Best Actress In A Supporting Role

Rosemarie DeWitt, “Rachel Getting Married”
Penelope Cruz, “Elegy”
Anjelica Huston, “Choke”
Sophie Okonedo, “The Secret Life of Bees”
Emma Thompson, “Brideshead Revisited”
Viola Davis, “Doubt”
Beyonce Knowles, “Cadillac Records”

Best Actor In A Supporting Role

Michael Shannon, “Revolutionary Road”
Robert Downey, Jr., “Tropic Thunder”
Rade Sherbedgia, “Fugitive Pieces”
James Franco, “Milk”
Heath Ledger, “The Dark Knight”
Philip Seymour Hoffman, “Doubt”

Best Motion Picture, Foreign Language Film

“Let the Right One In,” Sweden
“The Class,” France
“Sangre de mi Sangre,” Mexico
“Reprise,” Norway
“Gomorrah,” Italy
“Caramel,” Lebanon/France

Best Motion Picture, Animated Or Mixed Media

“The Tale of Despereaux”
“Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who!”
“WALL-E”
“Bolt”
“Waltz With Bashir”
“The Sky Crawlers”

Best Motion Picture, Documentary

“Man on Wire”
“Pray the Devil Back to Hell”
“Encounters at the End of the World”
“Religulous”
“Anita O’Day – The Life of a Jazz Singer”
“Waltz With Bashir”

Best Screenplay, Original

Philip Roth, “Elegy”
Thomas McCarthy, “The Visitor”
Eric Roth and Robin Swicord, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
Courtney Hunt, “Frozen River”
Baz Luhrmann, Stuart Beattie, Ronald Harwood and Richard Flanagan, “Australia”
Dustin Lance Black, “Milk”

Best Screenplay, Adapted

John Patrick Shanley, “Doubt”
Peter Morgan, “Frost/Nixon”
David Hare, “The Reader”
Simon Beaufoy, “Slumdog Millionaire”
Justin Haythe, “Revolutionary Road”

Best Original Score

David Arnold, “Quantum of Solace”
Thomas Newman, “WALL-E”
John Powell, “Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who!”
A.R. Rahman, “Slumdog Millionaire”
David Hirschfelder, “Australia”
Danny Elfman, “Milk”

Best Original Song

“Another Way to Die,” “Quantum of Solace”
“If the World,” “Body of Lies”
“Down to Earth,” “WALL-E”
“By the Boab Tree,” “Australia”
“Jai Ho,” “Slumdog Millionaire”
“The Wrestler,” “The Wrestler”

Best Cinematography

Jess Hall, “Brideshead Revisited”
Gyula Pados, “The Duchess”
Mandy Walker, “Australia”
Tim Orr, “Snow Angels”
Tom Stern, “Changeling”
Claudio Miranda, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”

Best Visual Effects

“Quantum of Solace”
“Iron Man”
“The Dark Knight”
“The Day the Earth Stood Still”
“Australia”

Best Film Editing

“Quantum of Solace”
“Iron Man”
“The Dark Knight”
“Australia”
“Slumdog Millionaire”
“Frost/Nixon”

Best Sound (Mixing & Editing)

“Quantum of Solace”
“Iron Man”
“The Dark Knight”
“Australia”
“WALL-E”
“The Day the Earth Stood Still”

Best Art Direction & Production Design

“Australia”
“Brideshead Revisited”
“The Duchess”
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
“City of Ember”
“Revolutionary Road”

Best Costume Design

“The Duchess”
“Brideshead Revisited”
“Australia”
“Sex And The City”
“City of Ember”
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”

Auteur Award

Baz Luhrmann

TOP 10 FILMS OF 2008 – [ listed alphabetically ]

BALLAST
CHANGELING
DOUBT
THE DARK KNIGHT
FROST/NIXON
FROZEN RIVER
MILK
THE READER
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

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